It's been such a long time since I've written, mostly because I've been so swamped with law school. While I am still very interested in (most of) my class subject material, I've never had more stress in my life. I've never been under so much pressure - trying to stay above the minimum 3.25 GPA requirement to keep my scholarship (after factoring in the first of my final grades this semester, I'm barely above it, and I'm not feeling so great about one of the other classes), freaking out about finding a summer job (career services people told us we'd be seriously disadvantaged in future years if we didn't find a legal-related job this summer), worrying about whether I'll get into the highly competitive Law Review or Moot Court (mock trial) (which are both resume boosts that many employers look for - tryouts are occurring within the next couple weeks), and just trying to balance my time (reading/studying, youth ministry at church, doing stuff with No Limit fellowship, keeping up with friends, relaxing time, etc). This is the first time that I haven't watched American Idol since I started watching in 11th grade, and I didn't get to watch The Voice season 2. So this has been the past 8 months for me.
A few weeks ago, I had an interview with FLAC (Free Legal Aid Clinic), for a full time, paid student attorney position, taking on real cases on behalf of elderly and indigent people, under the supervision of a real attorney. This sounded like the perfect opportunity to me - it's about as practical as you can get, and it's paid! Most 1Ls don't get paid for their summer employment unless they get jobs at law firms. And also, this sounded like the perfect opportunity to serve others - to put into practice what I've read in God's Word about seeking justice, correcting oppression, and upholding the cause of the fatherless and widows (Isa. 1:17). I went all out for this. I got a nice suit and dress shoes, interviewed as well as I could (my first legal interview), and sent a thank-you letter the following morning, adding in stuff that I neglected to say during the interview. So, they took 10-15 applicants out of 48, and I wasn't one of them.
Of course, this is part of God's plan for me. It's possible that He was teaching me a lesson through this experience. It's possible that I would become prideful and not fully give credit to God in my heart if I were to get this job. A couple weeks ago I came across this passage in Deuteronomy that spoke directly to me: "Beware lest you say in your heart, 'My power and the might of my hand have gotten me this wealth.' You shall remember the Lord your God, for it is He who gives you power to get wealth..." - Deut. 8:17-18.
I've never tried so hard to apply for jobs. I sent out literally dozens of applications since Spring break (including ones that I mailed via snail mail, in those big yellow envelopes and fancy paper for my cover letter/resume), and I only got personal rejections from 2 of them (the rest of them didn't even get back to me). It was extremely discouraging. It was a black cloud that was over me for about 2 months and each passing day just brought me down lower (in fact, I dreaded the arrival of summer - that has never ever happened in my 23 years of existence). Prayer after prayer, I kept waiting on God, anxiously.
God provides. He is faithful. A week ago, I got a phone call from a judge's clerk, saying that my application materials looked good and that I could come in to meet the judge and fill in paperwork for internship stuff. Wow! Just like that. Plus, it's only 10-15 minutes from my house, as opposed to the 30-40 I'd have to travel for all the other places I applied to. It was about as last minute as it could be, considering how summer was officially starting for me at the end of that week. I know that this is not my own doing by any means. I acknowledge the skills and gifts God has blessed me with. But that's the thing - GOD has blessed me with them, and He is fully in charge of any blessing that comes from these skills and gifts. It's easy to pay lip service to God and yet not really give Him the full credit in my heart. I'm happy about this experience. This has helped me grow a deeper understanding of God's sovereignty and His provision - and it has humbled me.
I don't know what the future holds in terms of my scholarship, Moot Court, Law Review, future employment, etc. But I hope after this experience that I will have more trust in my Father who loves me and provides for my every need.
This song has been a great reminder to me to thank God daily for all the blessings He has showered on me, both big and small. Instead of being generic in thanking Him, I am learning to thank Him specifically. Here are some things I am grateful for lately:
- My summer job interning for a Judge, 15 min away from my house
- Re-learning what it means to work hard
- Needing to budget my time and prioritize
- Having summer and rest (I have never appreciated, or needed, a break this much before)
- Having time to work out 3x a week or more now
- The opportunity to be a small group leader for my church's youth group, and to (hopefully) form personal relationships with the guys this summer
- Weekly accountability with Ryan throughout the school year
- Keeping in touch with Caleb and calling each other occasionally
- Keeping in contact with my brother a lot during the year and growing closer
- Becoming friends with Andrew and reading through a book together this summer
- Having Lynn as my Christian friend in law school, encouraging/praying for each other
- Being reunited with AIV and GN friends throughout the year, being able to take breaks from school to hang out with them
- Getting a new turtle to be a companion and "suitable helper" for Zack
- Growing closer to God in the past year despite not having constant Christian community
And the list goes on. I am blessed - thank you Jesus!
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